The World According To Damien
in a World gone mad – one sane voice emerges…

Damien on… Evolution

Evolution was invented over a hundred years ago, by Charles Dance.

He noted that some horses had grown tall, so they could reach the berries in tall trees.

This meant they got healthier – and they passed their jeans on to their young. They were called Giraffes.

Humans have done this as well. Supermarkets were first invented by Tess Coe and so that food would get cycled, new stocks were put at the back of the shelves.

However tall people could reach the fresher food, so also became healthier and more likely to pass their jeans on to their young.

This is why people have been getting taller since supermarkets opened.


3 Responses to “Damien on… Evolution”

  1. At but 2 inches short of two metres tall I tend to agree – I often get asked to get things off high shelves by little old ladies and tend to respond with “NO! Starve you shortarsed bitch”!

    If my height is a survival trait why is it so hard to get genes with a 34 inch inside leg?


  2. As a short guy, I laugh at (correction: feel compassion for the plight of) daddy-long-legs dudes who moan about leg-room in bus seats. They have to go to the sideways seats and block the gangway,

    However, like most endomorphs, I have a backbone the same length as lofties. If I and a lofty sit on the floor with legs sticking out and backbone tight against the skirting board, his feet are way out toward the middle of the room.

    But in that pose, I once demonstrated to a boy of ten who stood a head lower than my 165cm that he was an ectomorph who would grow 30cm taller than me. His feet already stuck out IN LINE WITH mine, bless him. Our legs were the same length ALREADY.

    (I was volunteering to issue wheelchairs at the Red Cross at the time. On their return I washed the seats and arms with disinfectant.) There is the same knees-up-mother-Brown appearance regarding a lofty sitting in a wheechair. Clearly, we need both shorties and lofties in team humankind. You may now sing the Star Sol National Anthem.

    Shopper reaching high to and into top shelves (yes, lofty wins) but pop star walking without stooping in the crowd of hysterical girl fans intent upon ripping off chunks of curly hair (hello! shorty wins and lofty has to start running like mad, OK?)

  3. James Garner, Scott Caan (son of James – plays Danno in the new Hawaii-5-0) and Al Pacino – all leading men with long bodies and short legs. Just sayin’…

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