The World According To Damien
in a World gone mad – one sane voice emerges…

Damien on… Jules O’Dwyer

Jules O'Dwyer with Chase

I hear over eight hundred people complained to Ofcom about Jules O’Dwyer using a “ringer” (a similar-looking pooch to Matisse) in the “Britain’s Got Talent” Final.

These people need to GET A LIFE!

The contestant was JULES – it was SHE that was being voted for, not her dogs.

She is a BRILLIANT animal trainer (able to quickly train her dogs to perform MULTIPLE tricks, in SEQUENCE – most trainers use many dogs, each of whom can only do ONE) and wholly deserved her win.

Matisse didn’t like tightrope walking, so she used Chase, who had already been on before, for the gag – swapping them over behind the set, for continuity.

This is SHOWBIZ, BABY! Things are not always as they seem.

When a stage magician climbs up a stair into a box – and the box rises and explodes – then said magician appears at the back of the auditorium – it is NOT magic.

In reality he slid down INTO the stair, which was wheeled off to the wings – where he popped out and ran through the myriad corridors that exist outside the auditorium of all theatres (how do you think they change all those bulbs?) to emerge at the back. Ta-daah!

And when a team of comedians delivers half-an-hour of sparkling, flawless “improvised” wit in a panel show – who do you think the dozen “programme associates” listed in the end credits are? GAG-writers, that’s who.

While “…Got Talent” is FUELLED by illusion. Every year, World-wide, the format filters out several hundred middle-rate acts (plus some truly awful ones for laughs – and to make the others look good) from the many thousands who present, then builds BACK-STORIES around them – and POLISHES them.

Thus refined – with added music, lighting, sets, equipment, dancers, backing singers et al – the best of these acts SHINE.

Variety is RESTORED by the very medium that KILLED it! Hooray.

So, the eight hundred pencil-necked prats who whined to Ofcom – did you ENJOY Jules and her dogs’ performance? Yes? Then SHADDAP!


2 Responses to “Damien on… Jules O’Dwyer”

  1. I am the guy all you dog-lovers hate. I despise all pet dogs but admire with awe all working dogs who sniff out (human) earthquake victims or cancer victims and such like. I would (let me put this carefully) have a qualified respect for a human who saves, for example, a pet dog who is in bad trouble and still has a chance of happy times. By the way, I favour the extermination of ALL wild critters except songbirds and vermin eaters. I favour the culling, at foetal stage, of all weak humans (such as myself) who get constant bad colds, or whatever.

  2. Whoa there! I am NOT a dog-lover. All my life I have disliked the beasts – they are noisy, dirty and stupid.

    However, being a compassionate human, I recognised that Jasper WAS in bad trouble and still had a chance of happy times.

    Ditto Ding-Dang – and ultimately, Bill & Ben.

    And likewise Sophie, Ginger and Queenie – all cats, a species of creature I’ve always loved.

    Thus I have WARMED to dogs by DEFAULT!

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