The World According To Damien
in a World gone mad – one sane voice emerges…

Damien on… “Top Gear” – R.I.P.

So there it was. Auntie had announced that following the removal of her errant nephew, she would screen the material made for the last three eps of Season 22 as a special – WITHOUT him.

This reporter pointed out that removing Jeremy from the footage would be like trying to excise the bride from a wedding video – and gave his commiserations to the editor upon whom the impossible task would fall.

Well, in the event, Clarkson’s fizzog remained on the footage itself, but with just The Hamster and Captain Slow giving uninspired intros (in an empty studio) to the two pieces it consisted of (the second was best, but neither contained much we had not seen before) followed by a brief goodbye and the end credits – with NO music.

Oh dear – gone with a whimper, not a bang.

I noted that said credits included the little producer – Poison – who more than anyone caused the programme’s sudden fall. Although the blame HAS to be shared by the suits who allowed the handbags to become public in the first place (they managed to keep the Savile affair quiet – and that was IMPORTANT).

There was also a credit that appeared to have been for the person who “handled” visiting celebs – but since there was no “Star In A Reasonably Priced Car” (understandably, given that it would have featured Jeremy prominently) one wonders if someone’s Lap will now never be aired. I wonder how quick it was…

Anyhoo, that it that. Of course, with Auntie being famed for her obsession with flogging successful series to DEATH, the series will return next year – but one suspects it will not last long.

Since she now owns the format, she has hired ’80s Ginger Twat, Chris Evans, to replace her troublesome nephew – and he in turn is to find his own co-hosts (surely not Danny Baker?)

This historian predicts his first show (TBB sometime next Spring) will bring in about ten million viewers – and the next, nine. Not nine million – just NINE.


3 Responses to “Damien on… “Top Gear” – R.I.P.”

  1. My attitude to cars is scrumbled (the first word that came into my mind). I would not buy anything other that a Jeep or similar carry-stuff vehicle. The exception here is that I would love to save all those 1950s US cars in Cuba and Burma and set up my own museum. NB If they allowed me to drive (I never took the test) I would buy an open top of course.

  2. I forgot to mention: I HATE clever-dick, mouthy, bullies such as Clarkson. Put him on Radio 1 which I despise and never listen to. He will fit perfectly.

  3. They couldn’t afford him! He and his cohorts have gone to AMAZON (the wanky organisation – not the river). See elsewhere in these columns (oh – you’ve already been there!)

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