Damien on… Me, Charlie Sheen And Kirsten Dunst
Me and the wife were entertaining Charlie Sheen in our apartment.
Charlie was charming and friendly. We had the lights turned down low and the evening was going well.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. We excused ourselves and went to answer it. It was Kirsten Dunst and some guy. We invited them in.
After a while, it turned out Kirsten and her friend (who was quite handsome) were swingers. They asked us if we swung – we turned to each other, shrugged and said sure.
Then Kirsten became aware someone else was in the room. I had forgotten about Charlie, who was sitting in the shadows behind her.
“Yes, that IS Charlie Sheen,” I said, in introduction. Then we went off to the kitchen to get some drinks for our new guests.
“Do you think Charlie will get off with Kirsten?” asked my wife. “I think it’s pretty much a given,” I replied.
“Then again,” I added, “I can live with that. If some schlub steals a woman from you, it’s vexing – if it’s Charlie Sheen, it’s an anecdote.”
“Maybe you can do her after Charlie?” my wife ventured.
“I don’t think so,” I replied. “Once Charlie Sheen’s done her – she’ll be done.”
“In any case,” I added, “Charlie probably has STDs medical science hasn’t identified yet.”
* * * * * *
…then I woke up.