The World According To Damien
in a World gone mad – one sane voice emerges…

Damien on… Royal Boobs

So the paps caught Kate with her baps out – oh, BOO-HOO!

If you’re going to join The Firm, you HAVE to know the RULES. Which are: you are now ROYAL!

QE2 and Phil The Bubble knew it SIXTY YEARS AGO – and in all that time, you have never seen THEM making tits of themselves.

Okay, QE2 misjudged the Diana thing. But let’s face it, if your son married unwisely – then got divorced – then his ex-wife got killed in a car-crash with her new boyfriend – what would YOUR response be?

Of course, there were the two issues that Diana was the birth-mother of the Numbers One and Two to the British Throne – and the British tabloid press had elevated her to goddess-like status (even though she was NOT the “People’s Princess” – she was POSH) resulting in the biggest outpouring of public grief since the death of Rudolf Valentino.

And so, despite protocol not allowing for the flying of the Royal flags at half-mast, she should have waived it and dived headlong into the public orgy of teeth-knashing.

But QE2 comes from Old Stock and it was not her way.

Likewise, when she’d had a bad year, describing it in her Christmas Speech as an “annus horribilis” wasn’t the smartest move, either. Not having learned Latin, most of the great unwashed assumed there was something wrong with her ARSE.

So – she is out of touch with the Common People. But what do you expect? It’s like how Phil puts his foot in it every time he talks about “foreigners”. But he’s an old right-wing reactionary, so again – what do you expect?

The fact is, aside from these blunders, QE2 and Phil have maintained the dignity required of their position – for SIX DECADES.

But the NEW Royal generation has a lot to LEARN.

If QE2 had been “common” – by now, she’d have been teabagged by a male stripper at a hen-do, got pie-eyed at the local British Legion and be addicted to Bingo, down at the local Palais.

But she’s NOT. And thus she has no idea about ANY of that.

And if her eventual replacements are going to MAINTAIN the dignity of Royal office, they had better start following her example.

In the good old days, Royals’ excesses were kept QUIET. But today, technology has spoiled all that. First it was the paps’ long lenses. And now today, even INDOOR activities are at risk. ALL rich people have little camera- and video-phones – and THIS medium enables them to put those images into the Public Domain in SECONDS. 

And so a Royal CAN’T wear a Nazi uniform at a fancy dress do – or get up to naked high-jinks in Vegas (for Royals, what happens in Vegas does NOT stay in Vegas) – or get their norks out, to avoid tan-marks.

Or go shopping at Tesco – or enter a wet tee-shirt competition on a Club 18-30 holiday – or get stoned in an Amsterdam cafe – or do doughnuts in an empty car-park. Suchlike activities are fine for us PLEBS – but Royals are DENIED these small pleasures.

However, before we begin to feel TOO sorry for these people, let’s consider this: Royals fly aircraft and do activities we can only dream of – they visit all four corners of the World, enjoying luxury we can’t imagine – and meet celebrities you and I will NEVER meet.

Plus they will never want for ANYTHING. All of their lives, they will be surrounded by opulence: the best food, wine, entertainment, travel and accommodation.

They have ENORMOUS wealth and power. And all they have to do to MAINTAIN it is be COOL.

Start behaving like the REST of us – and they will BECOME like the rest of us. Which AIN’T so cool…


2 Responses to “Damien on… Royal Boobs”

  1. There is not any more reason why the female chest should be covered on a hot day than the male. To ignore the French magazine would be quite possible. Everyone ought to try it.

  2. True – but you have to give UP these small pleasures if you’re Royal. Not everyone is as free-thinking as us – although, like a schmuck, I DID go and check the photos – purely in the interests of research of course. Big yawn – Pippa’s arse was better.

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