The World According To Damien
in a World gone mad – one sane voice emerges…

Damien on… Brass Monkeys

Thailand is currently going through a COLD snap. Last two days, the temperature here has dropped about seven degrees. It’s now 25 – CENTIGRADE.

I say this not to gloat, it’s actually a REAL PROBLEM – because oop north, in Chiang Mai (which is 500 miles away – like comparing Edinburgh with Bournemouth) it is SERIOUSLY COLD right now. Official disaster area, blankets needed, etc.

Thing is, this country is about as prepared for INDOOR and HEATER weather – as Britain is for SNOW. Both happen – but when they do, the people in both countries are EQUALLY dozy.

I hear Perky is finally trying to grow a pair and says he DISAGREES (ooh, there’ll be tears before bedtime) with Pinky over (belatedly) seeking to distance Britain from Europe.

The current fiasco started DECADES ago, when – after The Wall came down – the West started POURING money into the Eastern industries. Of course, they called it INVESTMENT. Then they began stretching the eastern European border until it nearly reached the STANS.

And now those turkeys have come home to roost (if I may mix metaphors – it’s my column, I’ll do what I want). Trouble is, my INCOME has to be paid in POUNDS – so Pinky had better be RIGHT.

The Tories have always been a bunch of sleazy, greedy smugbastards – conning the proles into voting for them, then making them bend over and spread their legs – but at least the c***s managed to BALANCE THE BOOKS.

One hopes Pinky will carry ON that tradition.

Of course, he need not worry what Perky thinks – THAT guy’s gonads are about as big as those on the citizens of Chiang Mai right now…

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3 Responses to “Damien on… Brass Monkeys”

  1. I forgot that Thailand is so tall and must therefore vary in weather as does the island of Great Britain, as you say,

    I have also forgotten much of what happened in the 1990’s politically. Culturally, I recall Hanson and the Spice Girls. I loved them both. So, something else happened you say…?

  2. Yes, having lived in Britain for so long, it is easy to lose sight of the size and shape of other countries. The thing is, Britain is tall – but THIN. Whereas France is as tall as Britain, but much WIDER. Basically – SQUARE. Which makes it TWICE the size of Britain. And Thailand is almost as big as France – and also square (with a narrow “trunk” at the bottom).

    I have driven (or in the case of Thailand, journeyed) from the bottom to the top of all three. Five hundred miles in each case – except that Thailand has that “trunk” at its bottom. Which adds another SIX hundred-odd miles – making a “Land’s End to John O’ Groats” trip here over ONE THOUSAND miles in all.

    And that is South to North – which makes for a hell of a climate shift, from Hat Yai to Chiang Mai. Like comparing Cannes with Inverness!!

  3. I am not interested in distancing Britain from Europe or even distancing England from Britain. Oh no! I am stil trying to get East Anglia out from under the tyrannical yoke imposed by those bastards in Wessex and Mercia!

    Alfie


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