The World According To Damien
in a World gone mad – one sane voice emerges…

Damien on… Instructions For Morons

I love instruction manuals that contain things like, “To switch appliance on, move switch from ‘off’ position to ‘on’ position”

No shit, Sherlock. I’d NEVER have worked THAT out.

Then there are shampoo bottles…

Wow – WET my hair first.

But today I found a NEW one that beats even those. It comes from Sony and it’s printed on a “Silicone Sealant” caulking-gun refill (apparently Sony has a chemicals division).

Underneath the legend, “High Quality Silicone Rubber Base Sealant” – written in an oblong box, it says – and I SWEAR I’m not making this up – “FOR INDUSTRIAL USE ONLY: NEVER USE THIS PRODUCT FOR IMPLANTATION OR INJECTION INTO HUMAN BODIES.” End quote.

What???

It seems that Sony figure somewhere, some redneck will be watching the Miss Universe Beauty Contest (sorry – PAGEANT) and after seeing all of those contestants (sorry – PAGEANTEES) will look at his wife, remember his caulking gun and think, “Hmm – get her drunk – then a couple of small incisions with my carpet knife – why pay thousands of dollars to some clinic?”

And this is the thing. Americans are no more dumb than anyone else – probably – but they ARE highly LITIGIOUS. Only in America do companies have to etch the principle of convex driving mirrors onto each one.

It all goes back to when some bimbo successfully SUED McDonalds for a SEVEN-FIGURE-SUM after she burned her lips on one of their cups of coffee.

After THAT, you can understand their paranoia.

So the next time you see an instruction written on something, that seems to be telling you you’re an imbecile – don’t freak out. The company are not protecting you from your own stupidity – they are protecting THEMSELVES from the stupidity of the American Injustice System!

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