The World According To Damien
in a World gone mad – one sane voice emerges…

Damien on… Meat

About fifteen years ago, this reporter wrote a piece saying that in his lifetime, using stem-cell research and genetic engineering – it OUGHT to be possible to CLONE meat. GROW it, like crops.

And having been originated from a couple of cells taken from a living animal, which would then receive a pat on its back and be sent on its way – for the first time, veggies and even Vegans (Live Long And Prosper) could enjoy PROPER food.

Well, a short time ago, scientists announced they had taken the first steps to achieving that goal and had produced something that was said to taste like “wet pork”.

Now that may not sound too appetising, but remember; in the Sixties, it only took scientists TEN YEARS to go from chucking a man up into low orbit – to landing two of them on the MOON.

And so this thinker has begun looking forward. It certainly now appears that in his lifetime, it WILL be possible to eat cloned chicken, pork and beef.

But why stop there?

The same science could be extended to OTHER animals – which would mean that certain S.E. Asian peoples could finally eat dolphin, cat and dog without the rest of the World HATING them for it.

But why stop THERE?

What about HUMAN meat? Primitive tribes used to be quite happy, chomping on recently deceased relatives – or ANYONE from a neighbouring tribe. And you KNOW you’ve always wondered what human flesh TASTES like – haven’t you?

But WHY stop THERE??

How about “designer” human meat? A few cells removed (no more painless than an injection) a few papers signed and CELEBRITIES could make a FORTUNE. “Enjoying that Beyoncé-Burger?”


What do YOU taste like? And your opposite number? There’s no reason why the technology could not quickly become affordable for the common man. You could dine on YOURSELF. And come Christmas, send parcels of your very OWN meat to friends and relatives.

Okay. Back there, is the line – and here is ME.


5 Responses to “Damien on… Meat”

  1. Brilliant! At one stroke third world starvation AND western obesity both solved! All we need is a way of painlessly harvesting large bits off fat Americans.


  2. LOL! Welcome to my organ, Avril. Nice name, by the way (French for April, for those who didn’t know) – but De Sade?

  3. I got an idea! You could call it Soylent Green!


  4. On thinking further about this – I would eat my own meat – if I could get round to it!

    About a million other smutty jokes occurred but I’ll refrain from repeating them here as I see you now have LADY readers!


  5. WOT lady readers? Oh – you mean AVRIL!

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