The World According To Damien
in a World gone mad – one sane voice emerges…

Damien on… President Palin

Sarah, not Michael. (He’s English, so would not qualify – although even a Python would be better than Sarah). No, I’m talking about Sarah Palin. The young, female version of The Monkey – George Wan… sorry, WaLker Bush. She thinks Africa is a country. Calamity Jane on acid. Yeah, THAT one.

I now hear that 42% of Americans would VOTE for her if she ran for POTUS. Now THERE’S a scary thought.

It reminds me of the late Seventies, when I thought that the rabidly Right-wing Mad Maggie Thatcher couldn’t POSSIBLY get elected. Oh, how wrong I was!

But after being elected, she immediately became unpopular. She needed help. It came, but from an unexpected direction. Hundreds of years earlier, a lack of communication had resulted in some pin-prick islands in the South Atlantic having disputed ownership. Britain and Argentina both lay claims to them.

That month’s current military dictator, a guy called General Leopoldo Galtieri – who, thanks to his death-squads, etc., was ALSO less than popular with HIS people – figured he could acquire some cred by grabbing the islands. So he did – figuring Britain would sabre-rattle, but do nothing. Oh how wrong HE was!

Seizing her chance, Maggie went to war against Leo. (Well, not PERSONALLY of course – poor, young, gullible squaddies would do THAT for her).

The conflict began – along with the body-count. America were forced to sit on the fence, tut-tutting. On the one hand, they had a “special relationship” with Britain [hah!] but on the other, they didn’t want the nice, fascist government of Argentina to fall – a Left-wing one might replace it. Thus they found themselves in the somewhat UNUSUAL position – for them – of neutrality.

But Britain had the fire-power to win this one WITHOUT Uncle Sam.

Which resulted in the biggest wave of nationalism seen in Britain since England (sort of) won the World Cup in ’66 – against it’s old enemy, Germany, to boot.

And THAT resulted in mad Maggie winning several more elections on the strength of the “Falklands Factor”.

Plus she was helped by another fluke, in the form of a Third (MOR) Party. For many decades, Britain had been a Two-Party country, but in the mid-Eighties, a NEW party sprang up. It SHOULD have been called the Liberal Democrats and boasted that it had a QUORUM of leaders – each experts in their field. But sadly, no.

The two parties that comprised this Third Way did not want to give up their independence, so insisted on calling themselves The Social Democratic Party-Liberal Alliance. Someone should have explained Brand Identity to them.

And the SDP’s David Owen was an Alpha Male who vied for (and won) supremecy against the nice David Steel, leader of the Liberals. While Roy Jenkins was seen as ugly, Bill Rogers, aloof – and Shirley Williams looked like an unmade bed. The cult of personality resulted in their POLITICAL skills being overlooked.

Another problem was their refusal to state which party they would align with, if the election did not produce a majority result. This pissed off previously Left- AND Right-wing voters. Neither of whom wished to vote for a party who might align with what BOTH saw as the Other Side.

However, the MAIN reason for their downfall was the way the two “main” parties had divvied up the voting regions, over the previous decades. All of the regions favoured either the Right or the Left. Thus on election night, the “Alliance” Party came a close SECOND in nearly all of those regions – thus winning NONE. A fiasco. Maggie was back AGAIN.

And on it went. When it finally seemed like Maggie MUST be ousted next time (The People were finally waking up to the fact that her party had succeeded in selling off nearly ALL of Britain’s “family silver” – the public companies – and “privatising” [commercialising] them, which resulted in hundreds of DEATHS from train crashes, caused by commercial companies taking shortcuts with safety, THOUSANDS more, thanks to the run-down of Britain’s once-proud National Health service, several hundreds more, murdered by loonies set free from asylums under the cheap “care in the community” programme and an unknown number of old people “helped off” by their kids, who didn’t want to lose their inheritance when their Mums and Dads were forced to sell their homes to pay for old-age care – which had previously been free, courtesy of the “from the cradle to the grave” Welfare State, set up by the Left-wing party of the late Forties) her party threw her out and in came John Major. A major arsehole.

He managed to win yet ANOTHER election by using the old “last-minute-vote-grabbing” ploy. He pointed out that whilst the Left-wing party might rebuild the country – it would COST those who were in work (still the majority of people) in increased taxes.

The country then sat back for ANOTHER five years whilst Major’s people asset-stripped what little was left of Britain. And since they knew there was no WAY they’d win ANOTHER election, they even dropped the SPIN. All pretence they were doing their best for the common man was GONE. Now it was just about feeding the Fat Cats.

Thus, when nice-but-naïve Tony Blair came upon the scene, he was scared to DEATH of Major pulling the same stunt as last time – so he promised to rebuild Britain WITHOUT increasing taxes. He won easily.

But tragically, instead of doing what any self-respecting Right-wing PM would have done – increase taxes anyway, blaming it on the last lot – he stuck to his guns. He attempted to re-build Britain, without increasing taxes (at least, VISIBLE ones) by making things run more EFFICIENTLY [again, hah!]

Which takes us to the current mess Britain is in. “Broken Britain”, with its currency devalued by a THIRD against all others (except Zimbabwe, of course) its Welfare State in tatters and a general feeling of “Will the last person leaving Britain please turn out the lights.”

So, America. If you vote Sarah Palin in, that’s the sort of disaster YOU can expect. She and The Monkey TOGETHER wouldn’t have the intelligence to find their way out of a room (you’ve already seen Bush TRY to) – but she’ll certainly screw up your COUNTRY.

So come ON! You’ve ALREADY had a monkey in the White House for eight years. He’s f***ed up your economy, got you into an absurd war, got thousands of you KILLED and turned your nation into the most hated one on Earth.

Even if no “American patriot” SHOOTS him, Obama has a massive uphill struggle ahead. Allowing for time spent electioneering – to get himself his second term – he really only has seven years in power to try and FIX things. And Palin could UNDO that work in seven DAYS.

Do you REALLY want that?

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