Damien on… The Summer Game
Once upon a time, a cricketer returned home unexpectedly when his game was rained off (well, it WAS in England) to find his wife in bed with another man (well, he WAS a cricketer). The cuckolded cricketer went berserk and whacked both of them with his bat.
Passion spent, a brief examination revealed his wife had breathed her last. However, the adulterous man was only stunned, so dragging his naked body from the bed, our batman carried him down to his garden shed (well, he WOULD have one of those). Then, propping him up on his work-bench, he proceeded to position the man’s wedding tackle between the jaws of his vice.
He slowly tightened the device JUST enough to ensure the man’s dangly bits were trapped, but without mangling them. Then he took a hacksaw and sawed off… the handle of the vice. Finally, he threw the contents of a watering can over his victim’s face, waking the man with a start.
The luckless lover looked with horror as his captor picked up the hacksaw. “Oh no,” he cried, “You’re NOT going to cut off my…” “No,” replied the cricketer, handing the man the hacksaw, “YOU are.”
As he picked up a can marked “petrol”, he smiled and said, “I’m going to set fire to the shed.”