The World According To Damien
in a World gone mad – one sane voice emerges…

Damien on… Smoking Bans

Back in ’99, I wrote a piece called, “Predictions For The Millennium”. It was approximately a dozen absurd predictions that were intended to be COMEDIC. But the last said, “I predict that at least three of the above will ACTUALLY HAPPEN…”

Well, at least one DID. I predicted smoking would be banned in CARS. Cops stop a guy… winds down window…”Excuse me sir, but have we been… SMOKING?” It wasn’t that far out there, given the bans on using mobile phones while driving. Lighting up, stubbing out and DROPPING a fag in the LAP are at LEAST as distracting as fiddling with a mobile.

But the way they did it in the UK was extend smoking bans in the WORKPLACE to include company cars. And it’s ENFORCEABLE – if a traffic cop sees someone smoking, all he has to do is run a “make” on the car’s plate, to see if it’s registered to a company.

But if smoking is banned in the workplace, what about TV and film STUDIOS? I mean, if a script calls for someone to light up, what then? A studio is a “workplace”. Does that mean they have to CG the fag and smoke? [Update: NO! Apparently they get an EXEMPTION. Which means all you need to do is cast all the smokers in the crew as smoking “extras” – and they can smoke all the TIME, claiming they are REHEARSING!]

And what about pubs and clubs? They are HURTING because of these bans. One would have thought that clubs, being PRIVATE, would be exempt – but apparently not. Perhaps we will see a return to the days of the American prohibition era. You’ll knock on a door… a trap will slide back (smoke will pour through it)… a face will appear… you’ll say Joe sent you… and you’ll be admitted to the “SMOKEASY”. [ANOTHER update! As I type this, it’s May 04, 2011 – and AGAIN I predicted the future. I now learn that “smokeasies” EXIST – and they’re called – SMOKEASIES!]

Ridiculous? But then so’s the whole issue. If you want to read more, go to and look up “Anti-Smoking Paranoia”. Just say Damien sent you…


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